Christians don't deserve any respect as long as tools like Pat Robertson are allowed to open their mouths. Ol' PattyCake is clapping with glee over the latest God-fearing disaster. This time according to the Oracle of Pat, God's shaken the be-Jesus out of the island of Haiti because the Devil went down to Haiti way back in the 1700's to free them from the God-loving French. Apparently God's had it out for the Haitians ever since 'cause without them, we would still have slavery and we all know how positive an institution that was "for the Bible tells" us so.
Besides praying for Haiti and opening your wallets to alleviate their suffering, let's pray for Pat Robertson to DIE. He turns eighty this year and haven't we had enough of him already? Friends, I know what your thinking -- "April, God must really love Pat for lettin' him live so long" -- but there's where you're wrong.
Here's how I see it: If Pat makes it to age 80 for his birthday on March 22, then it confirms all our fears --God doesn't want him. But an even bigger problems looms: if Pat makes it to 90, then we'll know the Devil doesn't want him either. So you see the dilemma. We need to get to prayin' or we could be stuck with Pat and his stupidity for decades to come. Use this handy and short prayer:
God, since you love Pat Robertson so much, he tells us all the time that you do, please take him home. Amen
When Pat departs from this earth, the IQ of Christianity will rise up, sure enough, so we see above the mushrooms of the forest floor.
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